Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The God delusion

The sudden realization to Chris that he was not God was a breakthrough, and needed careful handling. It was astonishing that he seemed to have recovered in so many ways and yet was under the impression that he was God. I had been fooled into thinking that Chris was further ahead than he actually was in terms of recovery.

I knew enough by now through my readings of literature and alternative viewpoints to take Chris's confession in stride.

“You alone are not God, Chris, but you have the divine spark within you. Some of us seem to have it more than others and you are one of those people.”

I wanted to help him but I didn't want to lead him. It was tricky because I only suspected what the underlying issue was and did not know for sure.

“So, what is so hard for you right now, Chris?”

“Is this all I can expect?”

I am now beginning to wonder if I am off on the wrong train of thought. I am confused.

“Did someone say something to you today?”

“Yes, several people did.”

I don't pursue his last statement because everything he has said up until now is ambiguous. Instead, I present my perceptions to him.

“Chris, is it possible that you are beginning to perceive a new reality and it doesn't seem as exciting to you as your fantasies?”

“It's so, it's so, it's so . . . ” he wailed.

“Boring?” I ventured.

“What have I done? What have I been doing?”

“You know, reality as most people perceive it can be exciting, too. You should give it a try!”

Chris looked up from the table and managed to laugh before he lapsed into more crying.

“I'm so sorry, Mom, for everything I put everyone through.”

“What do you mean, Chris? Your crisis in an odd way has been beneficial for all of us. Believe me, I think we all needed this to happen, including you. You have certainly made me more creative and more authentic as a person. I think the same can be said for everyone else in the family. Maybe I should only speak for me and Dad, but I notice that Taylor has a confident, creative approach to his life. Alex has become a super interesting young man who clearly enjoys being with his family. So, thank YOU for bringing needed changes to OUR attention.”

With this, I encourage Chris to lie down on his bed and I drape a blanket over him. I turn off the lights in his room and pull up a chair close to the bed. I hold his hand and he holds mine, with warmth and gratitude. I have never felt so much like a good mother to Chris as I do now. I sat there while great sobs shook his body and his tears fell onto the pillow.

“Just cry it out, Chris, for as long as it takes.

“Fantasies are fine, in their place, but reality helps you to move ahead in life, to to get a job, to carve an independent life and to develop close relationships, if that's what you choose. Don't lose your creativity because that is precious. God wants us to make the most of the life he has given us. We honor him in this way by succeeding in life on Earth. You are on the verge of promising to fulfill the potential that God sees in you. Fantasies are a false friend if they are all you have. Now go to sleep and cry some more.”

No comments:

Post a Comment

I am no longer approving comments. All I ask is that you be respectful of others and refrain from using profanity.