Monday, September 23, 2013

All over the map, but not really

Chris (and therefore, I) has had an emotional few months. Let's see. It started with his breaking up with "Jenny," back in July. His decision, not hers. A decision which had all the appearances of being taken for the right reason but a decision he immediately regretted. For someone who has spent a lifetime avoiding decision-making, I was thrilled that at least he had made one. I was not so thrilled that he immediately began to second guess himself. But, no matter, after an intense week of taking his own pulse and talking to people who would listen, he righted his sails. I'm pleased that he is finally getting around to taking a stand, on something! I loaded him up with lots of books on boundary issues, and I pointed out that he tends to have rather fluid boundaries and anybody can invade his space. "You've got to know your limits," I counsel him, "and respect them." He can also invade other people’s boundaries by being too caring. He can’t assume that other people want his help or sympathy.

The decision to no longer see Jenny lasted no more than a month and now they seemed to be locked in an on-again/off again thing. Not my business, except that Chris wants to talk to me about it, so, reluctantly, I've been dragged in, despite my protests that his relationships are his business. I've had a few rough sleeps that have actually had me praying for morning to come.   If I step back from the drama of it all, using "conscious refocusing," I can truthfully say that Chris may be going through a rough patch, but he is learning to take risks, to make decisions, and to live the consequences of his decisions. He is maturing.

Having a girlfriend has prompted him to realistically assess his marital prospects. His future earning ability is not promising, at this time. Here's where we get around to discussing the need to go back to school to prepare for entry into the job market. "If you would like a future with Jenny or anyone else, Chris,"  isn't it time you got real about your education?" I think he may be finally getting the point. 

Necessity, the mother of invention.  

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