Postlude: For behold, darkness shall cover the earth (G.F. Handel) Soloist: Christopher Forbes
On Sunday Chris sang the Postlude in church, accompanied on the organ by our choir director (his voice teacher)
This is a lengthy, difficult piece. He got a standing ovation.
Two weeks ago Chris had a one hour telephone counseling session with career intuitive Sue Frederick. Blending numerology, astrology and her own intuition, she introduced the idea to him that he was, among other things, a non-traditional healer and suggested several scenarios that he should consider: Acting, healing, sound therapy and psychology. She's big on using your pain as your fuel. She could definitely see him on stage.
Then, seemingly out of the blue last week, Chris's sound therapist called to ask Chris if he would be interested in enrolling in his new course in sound technology. Of course he would! Last week Chris also attended the first rehearsal for Gilbert and Sullivan's Trial by Jury. He's in the chorus.
Chris gets discouraged at times because he thinks that he doesn't know what he wants to do in life and life is passing. He's thinking he'll never catch up. I suggested that he drop the pretext that he is not on his life path and consider the evidence that he is already on it and has put years into it. I've suggested to him to stop worrying about making money through traditional career choices, but that he should consider upping his game by taking more voice lessons and maybe some acting lessons.
Here's a recap for newcomers to this blog. In my blog I try to convey a positive message for parents whose child has been given a diagnosis of schizophrenia. The road through recovery is often longer than we would hope, and there are ups and downs. Chris is now 27 years old. He did not finish his undergraduate university program. He left university seven years ago and has been living at home ever since. He doesn't have have a job. So far he has activities.
If you are new to schizophrenia, seven years seems like a long time not to be employed and to be living at home with Mom and Dad. This is probably not what you are hoping to hear. Some people recover relatively quickly using megavitamins, but a lot do not. There are many complicating reasons why instant recovery does not happen and my blog demonstrates many of these reasons. For people like Chris, and very likely your son or daughter, recovery takes time, a lot of time. I learned the hard way what happened to Chris when I grew impatient with his progress. I delayed his recovery through my impatience.
In order to do right by recovery, rather than focusing on a timeline, think of your child and yourself as embarking on a long, but exciting journey. Getting it right can't be rushed.
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I think, it can give people a really difficult time making a career choice when they believe, once they've chosen a specific education and career, it must be for life. And what then, if it turns out, over time, that it was the "wrong" choice? I've studied humanities, worked at a factory, had a livery stable, worked as a riding instructor, and as a stable manager, and now, at 49, I'm probably (hopefully, if all comes through) making another, radical, career change. Things came my way, and when I felt it was the right thing, I grabbed it. It's as if people think, they can only develop and grow, if they stick to one career. Professionally there may be some truth to that, but when it comes to personal development and growth, I think, this idea might even get you stuck. I don't believe, the meaning of life is to develop and grow professionally. I believe, it's to develop and grow personally. If a single career path offers that opportunity, great. If it means that you have to walk 15 or more different career paths, I'd say, even if it means that you don't walk a career path at all for some time, just as great. And, it's not a competition other than on the surface. Nothing to catch up with. As long as Chris keeps walking he can't lose.
ReplyDeleteMarian,
ReplyDeleteYour words offer a lot of comfort to many. You've been there, you know.
Thanks,
Rossa
Hi Rossa,
ReplyDeleteI sure can relate to this post. My son is also 27.
I wish he would do things to have more social connections or pick up a hobby so he will have something to do. I get entirely too upset about this. It is because I worry or feel sad for him, but getting upset isn't helping anyone or anything and likely, may indeed be interrupting his recovery.
I know he would enjoy going to church and he can also sing. I've been thinking about attending a service one Sunday to see what we think. We have many different kinds of churches around here. Every denomination and also Unity and Unitarian churches, along with two Zen centers.
I wish they had services in the evening because like right now, I never feel like going out in the mornings, which honestly, I feel guilty about but then, I feel guilty about most things. Guilt may be my main disability.
One thing I do feel sure about is that we each have our own path. Sometimes our work may simply be living each day the best we can.
The church is a great place to be when you are needing a place to fit in. There are many strange people in church, most of them are undiagnosed. LOL. (I'm not a person who likes to use "LOL," but I feel that it gets the irony across when needed.) Our church has really helped Chris. The minister gives him jobs to do, they were there for his relapse, even though he disrupted the choir on at least one occasion, and they accepted him back with open arms. He's now got a small social life that revolves mainly around the church. Always worth checking out. I often choose not to go to church, just so I don't cramp his style. He's quite outgoing when "Mother" isn't around.
ReplyDeleteI bet you've hit the nail on the head with "guilt may be my main disability." Hey, there's hope for you!